The Feminist Review

I don’t think a memoir can be patriarchal. I believe that the act of telling one’s own story is inherently empowering, A person can be a complete racist, misogynist jerk and lie all throughout a memoir, and the book could be used to promote and support patriarchy. But when written with integrity, a memoir is a gift to oneself and one’s readers, and can be a powerful piece of the journey out of patriarchal living and thinking.

Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love is disarming and insightful. Her vulnerability is engaging, and was affirming to me, as a reader. This dynamic is part of servant leadership, and also a traditionally “feminine” trait. How do we encourage all people to begin with vulnerability?

Anyone who is able to share honestly (not just 7th grade humor) about masturbation is dismantling patriarchy. Women, especially, have been taught that masturbation is unhealthy and dirty, and I’m really impressed that Gilbert included a few (very relevant) paragraphs on her own experience. Her down-to-earth approach is a wonderful way to normalize masturbation for women.

Gilbert says some interesting things about patriarchy herself, including that it’s over (which I am sad to disagree with). She makes a great point about community - that even though we don’t necessarily want our fathers to pick our husbands and “give us away” to our husbands, we do need elders and mentors to be part of our relationships and discernment.

Gilbert writes “If I am to truly become an autonomous woman, then I must take over that role of being my own guardian. Famously, Gloria Steinam once advised women that they should strive to become like the men they had always wanted to marry. What I’ve only recently realized is that I not only have to become my own husband, but I need to be my own father, too.”

This is a wonderful sentiment! (important information about the end of the book follows) I’m disappointed that the book ends with Gilbert in a relationship in which, as both partners identify, a man has become Gilbert’s guardian in many ways.

Two clarifications are necessary.

First, in relationships we always take care of each other - this is inevitable, and can be very good and healthy. I am sure that Gilbert finds ways to take care of her husband as well, and wanted to read more about that in this story of her own empowerment.

Second, I don’t mean to imply that Gilbert should not have gotten into a new romantic relationship (and marriage, as it turns out post-book). This is great! What I’m disappointed by is that the book ends with this relationship.

So many stories of women finding strength and comfort in their singleness (Bridget Jones’ Diary, Sex and the City are classic pop culture examples) end with these women in relationships with men. It’s just a delayed standard fairy tale - the purportedly “unpolished” or down-to-earth princess still ends up with some dashing, (usually rich) prince.

I realize Gilbert’s book chronicles her trip around the world, and her trip around the world ends as a romantic relationship begins. She actually seems to have a man in her life in all of her cities, Giovanni and Luca in Italy, Richard from Texas and Swamiji in India, Yudhi and Ketut in Indonesia. But the romance comes at the end of the trip, end of the book, and the reader is left with a delightful package of single/unhappy relationship to happy relationship.

Nevertheless, Gilbert imparts many great lessons for anyone on a spiritual journey. And despite the fairy tale ending, as Gilbert points out “I was not rescued by a prince; I was the administrator of my own rescue.”

Filed under: books on April 19th, 2008 by Anna Lisa