I’ve grown highly critical of musicians proclaiming to mix feminism and music into one through their art, abilities, and passion.  And although a person can always do more, DiFranco has repeatedly found a way to mix it up and make us think.  This particular album spans the spectrum including the upbeat (and nearly too sappy for this pessimist) Smiling Underneath – “long as I’m with you/I’ve got a good attitude/long as I’m with you.”  My personal favorite track, Alla This, brings me back to the late 1990’s DiFranco – “I won’t rent you my time/I won’t sell you my brain/I won’t pray to a male god/Cuz that would be insane.”

Without listing quotes from each and every song on the album,  I’ll sum up by saying that the passionate DiFranco has done it again; only this time, with the wisdom that comes from being a new mom.  A great album, even if it takes me months to get used to the occasional sappy lyric.

As I summarized my feelings to a close friend immediately after leaving the theatre, “I feel offended as a lesbian. I feel offended as a woman. I feel offended as a feminist.” Breaking that down into each complaint:

Jada Pinkett Smith’s first lesbian role was what I hope will be her only lesbian role. I felt that the constant slouching in her chair, never-ending cheeky noises and comments when women walked by, clothing, and lifestyle were hugely offensive. Granted, these are common among some lesbians. Maybe it’s just none that have come into my life. I couldn’t help but feel the role was so over-the-top stereotypical that I would have rather there not have been a queer character at all.

As a woman and a feminist, I felt offended at the thought that if a man cheats on his wife, just a few times with one woman, that the wife should forgive and forget. I saw strength in the characters, yes, but that focused mainly on career. What I learned from the women in this movie was that it’s more trouble to leave a cheating husband than to stay together, so you might as well stay together. Mary (Meg Ryan) ’s friends seemed eternally proud of her for “making things work,” and I wanted to shout from my seat, “you don’t have to accept that!” I’m not saying that any female feminist who finds out her partner is cheating on her should leave them right away. I guess I just wish that one of Mary’s friends had supported that idea, instead of mocking the thought of getting a divorce.

Wanting to end on a somewhat positive note, I did enjoy Debra Messing!

• Meryl Streep, Julie Walters, and Christine Baranski were the highlights of the movie for me.  As the plot circled around a twenty-something woman getting married, all of her twenty-something tanned and beautiful friends dancing around her, and a large amount of half-naked twenty-something year old men running around, these three women continued to draw my attention. Their beauty, power, and immense love of life drew me in.  Now, I won’t go so far as to say that they are my new feminist icons, but I did truly love seeing an older generation of women respected as beautiful, sexy, and full of life.  With so many movies focusing on youth being equal to beauty, I found these three women refreshing.
• I wonder at what point in life more movies will feature older women as love interests… I often feel as if the older a man gets, the younger his love interest.  I haven’t noticed this in my own life, but in movies I see it rather often.
• When an entire gathering of people are dancing around, soaking wet, singing, enjoying life, and kissing… would it be so horrible for the gay men featured to kiss as well?  Are we really not at a place yet where that could be included?  This was the low point of the movie for me.

As soon as I left the theater today, I was jotting down ideas of what to mention in a feminist review of what I had just seen.  I would love to hear from others who have seen the movie what they thought of the portrayal of women.  I’d also like some tips for how to get ABBA out of my head…

• “A table providing information and resources concerning the lgbta young adult community. We are willing and eager to set this up.
• A room which would be designated as a safe space for lgbta individuals.
• Support from NYAC staff in the event of homophobia or instances of hateful speech or behavior.
• A documented plan for the line of action to be taken if any lgbta individual is witness to hateful speech or behavior.
• An official statement made by those organizing and planning the conference that this is a space where all are welcome, including all gender identities and sexual orientations.
• A workshop in which participants could engage in dialogue concerning the value of diversity to the Church of the Brethren. We are ready and willing to lead this discussion.”

I have difficulty coming up with the appropriate words for my feelings after having these requests denied… discomfort, anger, frustration, but not surprise. In the end, we were told the conference was “safe for all,” therefore our requests were denied as they were not needed. I wonder, what do other people think about this? What is the effect of “all are welcome,” or “safe space for all” statements? Are they more or less effective than mentioning specific elements of the welcome? Is effective the wrong word?

The process of organizing with the other 21 young adults breathed new life into me. The passion I witnessed was tremendous; the sincerely heartfelt want to help was outstanding. I had never experienced something like this before in the Church of the Brethren. This has been one of the most difficult processes I’ve ever gone through, but organizing with these 21 individuals was well worth it. And what work it was! Since the last week of January, our efforts have resulted in more than 175 emails, 15 phone calls, 3 meetings, 10 letters/notes, and 15 instant message/in person conversations. It all started with a phone conversation with Carrie Fry-Miller in which we mentioned to each other that it would be great to bring an lgbtqa presence to NYAC. Starting with one person, then two, then 20 others… then the entire conference and more.

A bit of follow up: Through the process of organizing and having our requests denied, the Church of the Brethren organization On Earth Peace was a blessing. It was On Earth Peace that gave us some space at their table for information regarding the lgbtqa population. We also worked on a workshop together entitled “Black and White, or a Rainbow?” This bit of help may seem small, but without it our struggle would have been even mightier. I also arranged a time and place for people to discuss the lgbtqa population’s presence in the CoB and hopes for the future, an event over 25 people attended!

So where does feminism fit into all of this? My methods of brainstorming, organizing, and following through have all stemmed from my feminist ideals. Since I can remember, I knew that in order to experienced change, you had to create it. We may not have created a change of gigantic proportions, but we indeed created change; change I don’t see stopping any time soon.

At NYAC, I read a piece for an open mic night which I quickly scribbled down after a sermon on “credibility.” It is included here:

Baptism –

One,

Two,

Three.

Instantly a part

of something I wasn’t ready for

I didn’t know what I was getting into

What I believed

Where the holy could be found

I knew Saved by the Bell was the best show ever.

I knew peas were evil little balls of “you must eat this or don’t leave the table.”

I knew my hamster knew all my thoughts.

I knew I wanted to be BEST FRIENDS with that one girl from my class…

and I didn’t know why.

As a scared thirteen year old girl, all I really knew was that

I knew nothing at all.

I was not ready.

Submerged into a happy world of

camps

potlucks

songs

potlucks

vacation bible school

potlucks

youth group

potlucks

smiles

hugs…

love.

Love?

It is hard for me now to find that place of

Happy brethren love

Loved the way I am love

Unconditional acceptance and love

Because, you see, I am a completely different person now.

Fright has turned to bravery.

Uncertainty has become spirituality.

That girl became a crush and then a heartbreak.

The more I realized about myself, the less I felt love

From the very same Church family that baptized me.

Bravery,

Spirituality,

Strength, &

Compassion

Have grown in me since my

One,

Two,

Three

in Lake Waubee.

The very same qualities so loved by the Church

Became a burden after

I came out.

A lesbian filled with bravery.

A lesbian full of spirituality.

A lesbian filled with strength.

A lesbian full of compassion.

Somehow, all the Church has heard is lesbian.

Lost.

Abandoned.

Rejected.

Tossed Aside.

Ignored.

Feared.

Avoided.

I ignored my enormous fear of swimming to hold my breath for

One,

Two,

Three.

Twelve years later, I am a completely different person.

And yet, I’m still

That terrified thirteen year old girl.

If only I could shout at her…

“They’re not going to love you anymore, for you will become a burden unto them!”

I’m still that thirteen year old girl,

Still don’t like peas,

Still love Saved by the Bell.

But now… now I’m smart enough to know when I’m being hurt.

Rejection,

Fear, &

Abandonment of this lesbian seemed to come as easy for the Church as

One,

Two,

Three.