We are appropriately determined to achieve equality and wholeness for queer folks within the church, but cannot skip over straight women in the process. Our full inclusion will come together (if it comes at all) since the reasons we are denied access are the same. Allowing all genders and sexualities into full leadership would demand looking into gender and sexuality in our own lives. What if we find out something we don’t want to know about ourselves? What if we realize that we can’t keep living the way we’ve live? What if we can no longer depend on a powerful, righteous Father God to be in charge and make meaning in our confused and aching world?

Women, by far, did most of the work preparing for the conference. The worship planning committee was all women, though two of four preachers were men. The conference planning committee was mostly women, and the most tedious tasks (publicity, registration, logistics, etc.) were performed by women. Thanks to all of these women’s work, a man was given 3 hours for a keynote presentation. Women led more workshops than men – an important task of leadership that requires time and energy, but results in far less limelight. Do women choose tend to choose these roles intentionally? Are we nudged toward them by others? Are we intimidated by the spotlight? Do we prefer interactive sessions to lecture formats? Do we worry that we don’t have enough to say to fill a keynote?

Women prepared the food and cleaned up after meals. Men performed concerts.
Are the hairs on the back of your neck bristling yet? (At the horror of the situation, or at my audacity?)

I really do appreciate all of the work of all of these people.

Thank you, Pat, for cooking!

Thank you, Chris, for performing a summit theme song!

Thank you, Kurt, for preaching!

Thank you, Elizabeth, for planning worship!
Being progressive together would be far more meaningful and enlightening if we first poured energy and insight into the way we gather together – who does the work, who gets the credit. What we eat, what we eat it on. Where we gather, and how we get there. We may not be able to save the church, or even the Church of the Brethren, from pettiness, fear, waste, consumerism, self-centeredness (and so much more), but we can grow together, leading lives rooted in progressive faithfulness.

• “A table providing information and resources concerning the lgbta young adult community. We are willing and eager to set this up.
• A room which would be designated as a safe space for lgbta individuals.
• Support from NYAC staff in the event of homophobia or instances of hateful speech or behavior.
• A documented plan for the line of action to be taken if any lgbta individual is witness to hateful speech or behavior.
• An official statement made by those organizing and planning the conference that this is a space where all are welcome, including all gender identities and sexual orientations.
• A workshop in which participants could engage in dialogue concerning the value of diversity to the Church of the Brethren. We are ready and willing to lead this discussion.”

I have difficulty coming up with the appropriate words for my feelings after having these requests denied… discomfort, anger, frustration, but not surprise. In the end, we were told the conference was “safe for all,” therefore our requests were denied as they were not needed. I wonder, what do other people think about this? What is the effect of “all are welcome,” or “safe space for all” statements? Are they more or less effective than mentioning specific elements of the welcome? Is effective the wrong word?

The process of organizing with the other 21 young adults breathed new life into me. The passion I witnessed was tremendous; the sincerely heartfelt want to help was outstanding. I had never experienced something like this before in the Church of the Brethren. This has been one of the most difficult processes I’ve ever gone through, but organizing with these 21 individuals was well worth it. And what work it was! Since the last week of January, our efforts have resulted in more than 175 emails, 15 phone calls, 3 meetings, 10 letters/notes, and 15 instant message/in person conversations. It all started with a phone conversation with Carrie Fry-Miller in which we mentioned to each other that it would be great to bring an lgbtqa presence to NYAC. Starting with one person, then two, then 20 others… then the entire conference and more.

A bit of follow up: Through the process of organizing and having our requests denied, the Church of the Brethren organization On Earth Peace was a blessing. It was On Earth Peace that gave us some space at their table for information regarding the lgbtqa population. We also worked on a workshop together entitled “Black and White, or a Rainbow?” This bit of help may seem small, but without it our struggle would have been even mightier. I also arranged a time and place for people to discuss the lgbtqa population’s presence in the CoB and hopes for the future, an event over 25 people attended!

So where does feminism fit into all of this? My methods of brainstorming, organizing, and following through have all stemmed from my feminist ideals. Since I can remember, I knew that in order to experienced change, you had to create it. We may not have created a change of gigantic proportions, but we indeed created change; change I don’t see stopping any time soon.

At NYAC, I read a piece for an open mic night which I quickly scribbled down after a sermon on “credibility.” It is included here:

Baptism –

One,

Two,

Three.

Instantly a part

of something I wasn’t ready for

I didn’t know what I was getting into

What I believed

Where the holy could be found

I knew Saved by the Bell was the best show ever.

I knew peas were evil little balls of “you must eat this or don’t leave the table.”

I knew my hamster knew all my thoughts.

I knew I wanted to be BEST FRIENDS with that one girl from my class…

and I didn’t know why.

As a scared thirteen year old girl, all I really knew was that

I knew nothing at all.

I was not ready.

Submerged into a happy world of

camps

potlucks

songs

potlucks

vacation bible school

potlucks

youth group

potlucks

smiles

hugs…

love.

Love?

It is hard for me now to find that place of

Happy brethren love

Loved the way I am love

Unconditional acceptance and love

Because, you see, I am a completely different person now.

Fright has turned to bravery.

Uncertainty has become spirituality.

That girl became a crush and then a heartbreak.

The more I realized about myself, the less I felt love

From the very same Church family that baptized me.

Bravery,

Spirituality,

Strength, &

Compassion

Have grown in me since my

One,

Two,

Three

in Lake Waubee.

The very same qualities so loved by the Church

Became a burden after

I came out.

A lesbian filled with bravery.

A lesbian full of spirituality.

A lesbian filled with strength.

A lesbian full of compassion.

Somehow, all the Church has heard is lesbian.

Lost.

Abandoned.

Rejected.

Tossed Aside.

Ignored.

Feared.

Avoided.

I ignored my enormous fear of swimming to hold my breath for

One,

Two,

Three.

Twelve years later, I am a completely different person.

And yet, I’m still

That terrified thirteen year old girl.

If only I could shout at her…

“They’re not going to love you anymore, for you will become a burden unto them!”

I’m still that thirteen year old girl,

Still don’t like peas,

Still love Saved by the Bell.

But now… now I’m smart enough to know when I’m being hurt.

Rejection,

Fear, &

Abandonment of this lesbian seemed to come as easy for the Church as

One,

Two,

Three.

This refusal often comes from a heartfelt love for the Church of the Brethren (CoB) and a desire for unity and harmony. Instead, those in leadership find that no one is happy, and their authority is questioned.

Only two of the eight sermons were preached by women; these sermons were also the only two preached by young adults. These young women (great preachers with important messages) were a stark contrast from the others preachers – male, older (than young adults, at least) with official leadership positions within the CoB. It’s wonderful that preachers were called from less-institutionally-powerful demographics, but a lot of pressure on these young women to be lined up with all heavy-hitters.

Of the six sermons I heard, five consistently used male pronouns for God. I was especially frustrated to hear this language coming from denominational leadership, who, even if they actually believe that God is male, should be particularly interested in reaching as many in the denomination as possible through intentional use of language. Even the 1981 Church of the Brethren Handbook of Style and Useage states, “English pronouns for God have traditionally been masculine. These should be avoided.”

I was especially sad to hear male language for God from the two young women who preached. I hope to learn more from them of their own theology and motivations around exclusive and inclusive language.

Exclusive language was used in much of the liturgy during these worship services as well, even for humanity. Can it be, in 2008, that turning “men” to “people” is too much of a hassle?

I led a workshop about inclusive language, and 10 fantastic and creative people attended. We looked at scripture, wrote liturgy, developed divine images, and discussed the importance of words in shaping our theology. Thanks to Womaen’s Caucus for making this workshop possible!

Elizabeth Keller’s workshop “Standing at the Birthstool” also dealt creatively and dynamically with inclusive language and image. Wendy Matheny’s workshop on “Brethren Feminism” was a vibrant and relevant conversation between a bunch of Brethren feminists. All three of these workshops offered new insight and information. But did anyone who didn’t already believe that inclusive language is important, or consider her/himself feminist, attend them? As far as I know, no. This does not undermine their importance, but means we still need a venue for inspiring new people to use inclusive language and dismantle patriarchy.

At NYAC, LGBTQ participants felt unheard. Official booth space or a workshop session were not granted to Brethren Mennonite Council. Queer participants were able to be visible through an On Earth Peace session about difficult dialogs, the OEP booth, a worship service and an open mic night. This was the most queer presence I have seen at any mainstream CoB event.

And, not surprisingly, at least a few homophobic (and other? is there a better word?) participants told leadership that they were uncomfortable with the presence that queer participants DID have.

What will CoB leaders do with this conflicting response? What will future young adult conferences be like?

Is there any way to move to true welcome and inclusion without walking through this muck?

How can we empower our leaders to speak and act honestly and prophetically?

How do we make sure everyone’s core identity is welcome, even if that means that not all beliefs are welcome?

Over 120 Indiana bloggers gathered yesterday and today in Indianapolis, sharing ideas, support and enthusiasm for social media. Since this site is a blog (a website with regularly updated text in reverse chronological order), I’m at the conference!

There are about 40 women here, as far as I can estimate (conference organizers, please chime with an actual number!) which is more than I expected. The women (like all the bloggers) here range from “thinking about starting a blog” to “blogging is my highest priority.” Six of 24 workshops were led by women – pretty much proportional with women’s attendance at the conference. Three of 12 panel speakers were women – also 1/4. Maybe Indiana bloggers are good at math…?

The conference was organized by two men (Noah Coffey and Shawn Plew), though women were involved in supporting and sponsoring as well (far less visibly). Having a woman front and center in leadership might increase women’s attendance in the future. So would thanking the women (like the wives of Shawn and Noah) who worked so hard on the conference.

These simple things would have helped me feel more comfortable, as a woman and especially as a feminist blogger. There was a session last night for general networking, but having a time for women bloggers to get to know each other would be a great addition to the next conference.

I was glad that one of the workshop leaders and panel speakers, Bil Browning, is the publisher of the Bilerico Project, the second-largest LGBTQ blog in the world. His participation was not only in the context of being a gay man, but specifically focused on this site. This was unapologetic, as it should be.

I found it ironic that the last session I went to (Blogging Basics Open Discussion) gave corporate advice about taking up lines of a Google search about their company, pushing out hits of personal blogs by customers. It shouldn’t be a surprise – the promised democratization of the web is still trumped by money (wow, just like the democratization of anything else!).

The Geena Davis Institute on Media held a conference recently that discussed the potrayal of women on TV and in movies. They found all sorts of frustrating things:

• the ratio of men:women on screen is 3:1 (apparently up from 1:5 twenty years ago)
• females are over 5 times more likely than males to be shown in sexually revealing clothing (about 4 times more likely in TV and movies aimed at children)
• in animated material for children, females are far more likely to have unrealistic (and hypersexualized) body shapes – 22.7% vs. 1.2%

Lynn Ziegler has a great article about the conference on truthout.org, On-Screen Sex Ratios Add Up to One Big Minus.

Reuters also offers an overview of statistical findings from the conference.

It’s a good thing Geena Davis is the figure head for this work – doesn’t she look great?!