Bi characters have thankfully been gaining a bit of visibility on television lately. On the latest episode of ABC’s medical drama “Grey’s Anatomy,” a bi woman named Callie exchanges flirtation with Arizona, a woman who kissed her out of the blue in a previous episode. This female-female kiss was nothing new for “Grey’s” as Callie only recently divorced her husband and then dated a woman for the first time in her life. Amidst the rest of the current network hits, “Grey’s” is one of the most sexually progressive series.

Not only is “Grey’s” depicting a woman who is bi, but one who is still trying out her wings, portraying to young or recently out bi’s–and to the rest of the world, for that matter–that questioning one’s orientation, being uncertain and making mistakes along the way, is acceptable and doesn’t always lead to venereal disease. As in real life, biphobia rears its ugly head more than once, and Callie, like many bi’s, is without support or context for her identity, and knows no way of handling it well. viagra uk retailers Viagra Used With Order levitra on line cialis made in canada 905.
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In one episode, Callie’s first-ever woman partner breaks up with her by way of an anti-bi slur. Callie is powerless to respond as the woman she cares for tells her, “You can’t be a pretend lesbian.” Ouch. I don’t know if the show writers knew they were treading into the fog of biphobia and bi-invisibility, but it stung to watch. It would have been helpful for Callie to be able to deal in a healthy way with such slander, but all she can do in her situation is hope that her next relationship will be healthy, and that it arrive quickly.

Queer bloggers have referred to Callie as bi far more than entertainment writers, who make the monosexist mistake of calling it lesbianism because, after all, bisexuality can’t really exist, right? I watch the show regularly, but am not certain that the word “bisexual” has been used in the show, but neither has Callie been labeled a lesbian. For good or for ill, she’s just Callie. Bi-visibility is still a hurdle yet to be jumped, both on “Grey’s” an in tv programs in general.

There is one way that bi (and lesbian) women have become visible on tv–in an inside-joke/tongue-in-cheek sort of way–the leather jacket. AfterEllen points out,

Callie is wearing her black leather jacket outside the hospital, which is a time-honored way for TV costume designers to signal that a woman is gay or bisexual

Now the next step is to make it a little more plain, and frankly, less stereotypical.

There’s no code to know who’s bi in the real world. You either come out or you don’t. If “Grey’s” wants to respectfully portray bi people, then bi characters must come out to the audience. While ambiguity and the not-knowing is surely part of being bi, so too is refusing to be told, “You can’t be a pretend lesbian,” or, “You can’t be a pretend straight woman.” Bisexuality is not pretend anything. It is very real, and very much exists. “Grey’s” and other programs are certainly to be commended, even thanked, for increasing bi visibility following the rise of gays and lesbians on tv in the 90’s. At the same time, care must be taken to portray bi men and women honestly and accurately. Bring us out of the biphobic shadows of secret codes. Reveal to the world the fullness of our experiences. It will make better tv; it will build a better world.

Ralph made many insightful, right-on comments during this show, but I want to thank him in particular for calling Bill Maher out for making sexist comments about Sarah Palin. Sure, Sarah Palin isn’t a good vice presidential candidate, but does that make her a bimbo?

Bill responded to Ralph’s schooling by saying that George Bush is a “bimbo with a penis.” Even “liberal” Bill Maher doesn’t seem to understand the power that prejudice gives to words, and that words like bimbo carry specific and damaging weight because they are part of a patriarchal tool kit.

In the comments section for this clip on YouTube, one commenter called Ralph “arrogant.” Another wrote “that fat woman lisa – she seemed extremely nervous…” This commenter must not listen to Ralph or understand the power of words either. Why does Ralph get to be called arrogant, but Lisa Schiffren of the National Review Online is called fat? And Sarah Palin is called a bimbo?

To clarify, I don’t think anyone should start making fun of Ralph Nader’s appearance. I do think we should all take the time to criticize people for what really bothers us – their politics, inexperience, nervousness, whatever it may be.

What I fear is that when it comes to women, many people really hate the fatness or bimbo-quality most of all.

I’ve been avoiding this post for a while. One of my main guilts as an imperfect feminist is my love for the show Sex and the City. I love the camaraderie between these four friends. I love the novelty of their lives, the surprisingly large sums of free time and money. I love that I know just what to expect – not only because I’ve seen each episode at least twice, but because the series is predictable and formulaic.

But I have a dirty feeling watching a show that ignores or tramples pretty much every value I hold dear, and it’s time to come clean.

Jessica Groze of the blog Jezebel maintains, that the question is not “Can a feminist really love Sex and the City?” but “Is Carrie Bradshaw a proper feminist icon?”

This certainly is a dangerous question, since even earnest, intelligent feminists can’t be 100% consistent in their refusal to submit to patriarchy. But Carrie rarely tries, according to my standards. I could give a ridiculous number of examples (remember, I’ve seen every episode at least twice), but will be brief:

• Angry with Big, she kisses (and then has sex with) Big after he tracks her down to a hotel, follows her after she tells him to leave her alone, then physically restrains her and forces his body against hers. Pressing charges would have been appropriate – instead the scene reinforces the notion that “no means yes” and that women struggling against sexual aggression is a turn-on.
• Carrie continually communicates on an adolescent level, particularly with the men she dates. Instead of thoughtfully reflecting on her needs and wants, she gets drunk and/or angry and participates in ridiculous games. Arguing with Berger, he says, “When did you stop being on my side?” and she responds, “When did you stop being on my side?” which is not only unhelpful, but makes no sense in context. Instead of talking openly with Big about their sexual relationship, she obsesses and worries, talks to her friends, then shows up at his house with an unspoken demand and leaves in a huff when he doesn’t meet it (then doesn’t call, assuming they’re broken up, until he shows up at her apartment and they have sex.)

The show’s inspiration, writer Candace Bushnell says women weren’t allowed to talk about sex before Sex and the City. This is utterly ridiculous, though generally positive conversations about oral sex and orgasms for women have been one of the show’s best traits. Of course, women are only entitled to sexual pleasure if they keep their pubic hair carefully trimmed or shaved, explains both the show and the movie.

Miranda and Samantha portray some important aspects of feminism, but suffer for it. Miranda, the only character whose work and family really impact her life or time, and who tries (at least once) to get her friends to stop talking about men all the time, is given the ultimate “refeminizing” punishment – she gets pregnant. And even though she ends up with one of the shows most caring and thoughtful men, when she doesn’t orient her life around his needs and desires, he cheats on her.

Samantha is fiercely independent and confident, and pays dearly for it. First with breast cancer, then (perhaps worse) by gaining weight. I actually didn’t notice that she had gained weight in the movie until the other characters flipped out about her softened stomach instead of asking why she flew across the country spontaneously. She needed comfort and acceptance after breaking up with Smith, but instead got horror over her belly.

While the show began as a tribute to single women in their 30’s, it ends with all four women in relationships with men. The movie initially breaks two characters up from their male partners, and ends with one single woman, three married. Perhaps when Samantha flattens her stomach, she’ll get married too!

Sex and the City provides utterly ridiculous and offensive information about class and culture. Perhaps realizing the lack of reality around socio-economic status presented in the series, the episode “The Caste System” came along in season two and made everything worse. Carrie suddenly understands poverty when she’s forced to smoke outside at a party full of snobby rich people. Samantha’s brief boyfriend has a servant, but instead of using the episode to share some important and true information about human trafficking or domestic abuse, this woman is portrayed as a jealous and two-faced manipulator.

People of color are given very token roles in the series. The only character of color with an on-going role as subject (rather than object) is Miranda’s boyfriend Robert, and they still have no thoughtful conversations about ethnicity or culture. Other than Robert, people of color show up as Carrie’s limo driver or other stereotypical serving roles. Jennifer Huston, the only actor in the movie with an Oscar, plays Louise, Carrie’s personal assistant. Louise represents everything wholesome, midwest and working class in the movie, but her insight and uniqueness don’t touch Carrie. Instead, Carrie offers Louise glamor, experience, and one expensive louie vitton bag.

The series and movie also have token queer characters, consistently used for comic relief, and twice to shake up the plot for the main characters (when Samantha dates Maria, and when Miranda’s colleagues assume she’s lesbian because she isn’t in a relationship with a man). Stanford and Anthony are the most classic of gay urban men, never to surprise or unsettle the viewer with personality or real-life trials in a homophobic culture.

Once upon a time there was a single New Yorker in her 30s who never wears an outfit twice and whose life is recognizable to less than 0.1% of the world’s population. Sex and the City was the perfect TV show, convincing viewers that their lives were wrong but by buying the products advertised during commercial breaks, they too can have Sex and the City!